Jay and I broke up a couple of days ago. I pulled the trigger on it- I’ve been mulling it over for a while, and decided it’s finally time. We fought a lot, but my main concern was my future.
Basically, Jay doesn’t have a job. He doesn’t have high school. Although I believe that he will try his best, he’s not going to be pulling in the cash that I eventually will, even if he gets extremely lucky. Now, I have no problem with that- as long as someone works for what they have, I don’t mind. However, he has made a lot of comments lately that in a relationship, the man has to make more than the woman. Let’s be honest here- I’ll be a CGA in 8 years. That’s going to come with a big payraise. I was concerned that when that happened, he would start to resent me for being successful, and I’d resent him for resenting my hard work, and it would just be an infinite spiral until we divorced unhappily.
Add that to some serious problems we had that revolved around some friends of his (that used to be my friends until I grew up) doing really stupid things and him following along, and I couldn’t end it fast enough. After I cut him loose, my friend M and I went straight for the liquor store, and I spent the evening drowning in a mickey of Bacardi mixed with Coke, playing truth and dare like high school kids with M and a mutual guy friend. The breakup cost me about $20. I do not regret that number. I had a lot of fun, and I felt a lot better.
All that being said, I do love him. And even if I didn’t, 11 months is nothing to sneeze at. I know it’ll take me a bit to get over it. But at the same time, I’ve known for a while that it was over- I just kept holding on because I didn’t want the past year to be a waste, I guess. But at the end of the day, I know there’s no future there. I want certain things out of my life, and I know that he can’t give them to me, as much as he wants to.
As sad as I am, my wallet is going through recovery, too. For the past year, I’ve spent a lot of money on Jay. Fast food, cigarettes, gas in his mom’s car, groceries when they had too much month for their money, rent money when they fell short- I’ve spent some serious cash on him and his family. I didn’t really mind at the time, but now I’m thinking about it and kind of regretting the gestures. Even though I was always told that they would pay me back, I know I’m never seeing even a dime of that cash. I’m writing it off as a gift at this point.
Altogether, I’ll be saving about $200 a month being single- even including the increased spending I’ll be investing in my appearance (I got blonde highlights Saturday courtesy of my mom). My confidence is seriously up, and I feel better than I have in a year. Hopefully that will last.
The next few months will be nothing but interesting.